No one can prepare you for the emotions you go through whilst waiting for the results of such life-changing tests. Days went by and I got into a cycle of checking my phone for messages from the hospital, which involved logging onto their website, waiting for an automated text with a code, only to see the standard message informing me that I have no scheduled appointments.
Much as I tried to avoid trawling the internet for clues, I spent a good few hours trying to ascertain how many biopsy results come back with bad news. It was looking quite positive in fact as my searching revealed that the vast majority of results would show a lump to be non-cancerous.
The other difficulty was the fact that we still hadn’t told any close family what we were going through. Our reasoning was that it seemed pointless worrying people when it was very likely that all would turn out well. A couple of people at my work did know and their reactions confirmed that I was right not to tell more people. It was lovely to have their support but I could see the effect of my news and it was not pleasant.
Work was incredibly busy and in some ways a great diversion. However each day came and went without news from the hospital and I was starting to get to a point where I thought the results couldn’t be bad if it was taking this long.
One week and one day after my morning of tests, I received an appointment for the following Wednesday at 9am. A weekend of speculation ensued. Would my apointment take long? Why couldn’t they tell me over the phone? I even phoned the hospital on the Monday to ask that very question and was tactfully told that no results were showing and did I need to change my appointment? I decided to stick with the plan.
Over the next few days, I tried to say to my husband that there was surely no need for him to accompany me to the appointment as it would turn out to be a harmless lump. Why would he waste another morning? He however was having none of it and insisted he would be with me no matter what.
It turned out to be the right decision.